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The Most Organic Vlog: Parenting Tips/Transcript
Natalie: Hey guys, I'm Sawyer. Mallory: And this is Madysen. Natalie: And we own a quinoa P.R. company. Mallory: And we're here for another vlog, this time about parenting. Natalie: Last time, we mentioned our nannies, and our comment feed blew up. People were like: "These people have children?" and "Who would allow them to raise infant children? Like, those poor kids", and I'm like, thank you. I know we don't look like we've had kids. Mallory: And that's because we haven't. I had a surrogate, you know. Natalie: I had to carry mine, and it was like, blah. Mallory: That's what I've heard, and that's why I'm too posh to push. Mallory: We are great moms, so we just wanted to recommend some of our favorite things. We're totally obsessedly with these nine things... Natalie: Yes. Mallory: ...that will save your life! Natalie: Number four is organic baby cloth diapers. Let's just talk about how eco-friendly, holistic, we love the earth. Mallory: Less waste to our planet, duh! Natalie: Yes. And I mean, cleaning them off is kind of gross, but it's not like I'm cleaning off pilot's diaper! Mallory: No. We're so eco-friendly, we don't even use cloth diapers. Our baby just goes on our nanny. Natalie: Ew. Mallory: She's so gross. Natalie: But good for you for the earth. Mallory: Number four is a newsletter for feminist moms called "Fememoms". Natalie: We're totally feminist, because we follow Beyoncé and Emma Watson on Instagram. Mallory: We do. We're totes, supes girl power feminists, but, like, our husbands have to do everything for us, 'cause we don't know how to do anything. Natalie: Yeah, that's right. That's what it means. Mallory: Sometimes my husband comes home and he's like "Honey, make me a sandwich", and I'm like "I don't know how", so he has to make his own sandwich. Natalie: Okay, so number four: tip about vaccinations. Do not vaccinate your baby! Instead, essential oils them every day. Essential oils can cure polio. Peppermind oil will get rid of measles. Science. Like, get real. Mallory: Franklin Roosevelt would have been able to play basketball instead of become president if he had just had essential oils as a child. Natalie: And, like, think about how much more rich and cool he would be if he played basketball instead of was, like, the gross president! Mallory: Yeah. Natalie: Number four is a supes awesome baby hack. Mallory: Yeah. Okay, so what you do, is you buy organic seashells to hang on the wall of your nursery. Then, when your baby cries, you hold up a seashell up to your ear and you can hear the ocean instead of your baby crying. And I just like to involve, you know, the earth in my parenting. Save the whales. Mallory: Number cuatro. Only buy designer clothes for your kids. Natalie: It will literally help you love them more when they look cuter. Mallory: Seriously, it's sometimes not even your choice. Like, my six-month old, Phoenix, refuses to wear anything but Prada. Dolce and Gabbana gave him a rash. Natalie: Okay, last but least is number four, and it's how to pass the time when your kids aren't at their other house. I mean, when your kids aren't at their school. It's something that I like to call "sleepy hot mom". Mallory: Yeah, I play this game with my kids, where I pretend to be asleep and they, like, jump all over me and try and wake me up, but I never do, because I took a sleeping pill. It's super fun and relaxing and, you know, it's great, because moms deserve a break. Like that Chewbacca mom. I'm, like, so exhausted and the maid vaccums at, like, 10:00 AM. Natalie: No! Mallory: Yeah. Natalie: It's, like, ugh, #momlife. Mallory: Well, those are our parenting tips. Natalie: Thanks so much. We hope you had fun, like the Chewbacca mom. Oh my gosh, we're such nerds. Mallory: We love Star Wars so much. Natalie: Lou Skywalker is my fave! Mallory: Lou and Leia forever. Natalie: We hope that you become, like, as good a moms as us. Mallory: Yeah, we hope that for you. Peace and love. Category:Season 7